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“I’m Miserable Because of You”:
Undoing the Blame Game

This seminar will provide inspiration, skills and techniques to instill profound change
in clients by moving them out of resentment, blame and victim mentality
to empowerment and personal responsibility.

Too often, we as therapists unknowingly impair our clients by focusing on all the ways they have been hurt or betrayed by life circumstances. We need skills to show empathy without enabling people to stay stuck in self-pity thereby encouraging their role as a victim. As therapists, we hear from our clients all the ways their parents, partners, ex-spouses, bosses, children, jobs, siblings, coworkers, friends, the economy, the government — have hurt or disappointed them. Authentic change requires acceptance that life is difficult and the ability to find the tenacity, hope and wisdom to move forward in spite of, or even because of, the things we have endured. Being consumed with anger and resentment results in depression, anxiety, poor health and strained relationships. Alcohol, drugs and other addictive behaviors are used to cope with resentments and fear. Additionally, many therapists were first drawn to the field to work through their own personal pain, resentments and victimization. Becoming aware of our own unconscious blame is necessary to help free clients of the same.


Friday, November 15, 2013



Rebecca Aadland, MS, LMFT, NCC is a dynamic presenter, experienced psychotherapist, licensed teacher, professional musician and MFT supervisor. She has been a featured speaker and performer at many conferences and events over the past 15 years and has appeared as a consultant on Fox 9 News. Her private practice, Aadland Counseling Services, is located in Eden Prairie, Minnesota. Rebecca Aadland is a professional singer/songwriter and is now writing for her second album. She incorporates humor, song, poetry and storytelling in her seminars.

“These talents would be enough to call Rebecca a master of her craft. However, to find yourself laughing and crying at the same time is to transcend the extraordinary into magic” ~~ Scott Taylor, Ed.D., South Central College

“As a seasoned therapist of some 45 years, I believe your workshop was by far the best program of the MAMFT Fall Conference. You enriched your content with a variety of media modalities, including your own original musical compositions, which gave your content a multi-sensory experience for all participants. In spite of the limited time and the end-of-day time it was scheduled, you presented an engaging and thought-provoking program which could easily have been expanded to a full-day workshop” ~~ Eugene Beniek, LICSW, LMFT.

“I find Ms. Aadland to be inspirational, insightful and positive with a great sense of humor. Many people commented to me that it was the best meeting we have ever had and that there would be no way any other county could host a better meeting than that one.” ~~ Beth Burrows, MA, LMFT, Brown County Family Services

The MN Board of Marriage & Family Therapy has approved this course for 6.25 CEUs

Application (credit is pending) for 6.25 CEUs has been submitted to the:
MN Board of Behavioral Health and Therapy & the MN Board of Social Work.

8:00 a.m. Registration with morning coffee, tea, rolls & bagels

8:30 a.m. Program Begins

12:00 to 1:15 pm. Lunch (on your own)

1:15 p.m. Afternoon session begins

4:30 pm Program ends


  • Identify ways the psychotherapy process may enable clients to stay stuck in self-pity thereby encouraging
    victim mentality.
  • Develop therapy skills that encourage clients to move from blaming to empowerment.
  • Be provided with resources (exercises, activities, books, information, music, poetry) that support moving
    clients from resentment to gratitude.
  • Examine underlying rewards for codependency, staying powerless and perceiving oneself as a victim.
  • Identify underlying rewards for choosing chaotic, mean or incompetent people as spouses, bosses, friends, etc.
  • Learn ways to instill hope in therapy, as clients learn that it is their beliefs and perspective that most makes
    them suffer, not their life circumstances or their past.
  • Demonstrate the effectiveness of mindfulness, cognitive reframe, EMDR, gratitude, The Work (by Byron
    Katie) and meditation in empowering clients away from blame.
  • Examine projection as a defense mechanism that clients (and therapists) use to avoid responsibility for their
    choices (i.e. who is the object of your blame?)
  • Explore transference issues with regard to the therapist’s attitude toward victimization and blame.
  • Become better equipped to help clients identify their strengths, determine what they can and cannot control,
    and to take responsibility for their choices.
  • Consider ways that blame is a part of resistance to becoming passionately engaged with our best selves, our
    purpose and life’s spiritual calling.
  • Learn through a variety of approaches including demonstrations, discussions, activities, humor, music & poetry.